its alllllllmost my birthday! fun stuff... i really want to go to disneyland, hint hint . . .
so living here with c.j is weird, i like it a lot (where he is here)
it is stressful takeing care of his grandma, but i love her too.
thiws is the first time i have ever not lived at home, i dont know why really but even here it just feels
so so differnent, even though im still not really sure where i am going to end up.
c.j is really really generous and thats a quality that not that many people have around here especially people his age. i just wish he could show me a little more affection in other then monetary ways.
myu friend situation is still pretty bleak at least in the girl department.
although chris.w and tony,g do come over to c.js a lot anf there both great, although with those 2 its kind of that situation where i dont really know if i would ever still see them if i wasnt living here, oh well i think i was freinds with tony before him and cj became friends anyways.. oh well.. fuck im paranoid im stupid.
i have really grown to adore willy and adam, they have really made an effort to hang out with mr, and showed me that they really are my friends and care about me. i think they could see just stressed, sad, frustrated and LONELY i had been a lot of the time. and i doubt either of them will see this, but thanks anyways boys. sometimes doing somthing small, like calling someone you know is lonely, are letting someone know you want to be there friend can make a huge differnce in how someone feels.
and so i dont know if i mentioned it but my sister (amy) kicked my ass the other night, long story short i got knocked on the ground and hit and wasnt / couldnt really fight back. it was such bullshit, she is soooo physcho.
speaking of not so good times..i had this weird dream where i watched my car roll down a hill, picking up a lot of speed then kind of falling of a small cliff, and hitting other cars really hard. and i was so afriad someone got hurt.
then somehow when i got down to where my car was, it turns out i was actually in the car (????)
and i realiszed i had broken some ribs, both my arms, both my legs and both my ankles, and even in my dream i was in tons of pain. physitrist is amazing at helping me figureing out my dreams but i wont see him for a while, so anyone else have any ideas to what that means?
gahh i miss my mom, im really happy were haning out tomorrow and going to breakfast.
it seems like she is doing a lot better too.
man if fucking pissed me off when everyone was talking to me about drugs, and telling me why my mom was so sad or what i could do to make her happier.. whaen nobody had any fucking idea what they were talking about, i know some people just got somr false information from a certain roomate of mine and my moms...ahem*kevin* i cant beleive he was telling people shit and trying to get involved and yelling at c.j when he really didnt even know half the storie and then people he told that sgit to who knew even lr=edd then him about it woul try to give me advice, i was pretty annoyed to say the leqaast5.
HO\LY SHIT FUCK I HAVE LIKE DOZZZZZZED OF ABOUT 7 TIMES WHEN I WAS RITEING THAT PAST PARAGRAPH. i havent gotten realy sleep at al sionce wendsday and now its 1:30 am on sunday.... ay dios mio
and just because i say it in every post pretty much..."i fucking love c.j"
and the reason that shit like the stuff i saw today hurts sooo god damn bad is just because of axactly that i just love you so dang much.
god this is long and i bhet there is literally about a million misspelled words, so sorry about that, but i am likw dillerious..yeah like i just did one of those half fall asleep and then wake up and jump cause you feel like your falling/
raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hey ashleigh....why do you say you miss be but then never make it happen..or call once and make the plan, but then not call when its tome to meerii
oh yeah i forgot to mention....i got fucking left in ocean side..and long story short it took me 6 hou\rs to get home, and i got the CRAZIEST sun burn ever over like 60% of my body...
p.s junn i swear im not flaky i really want to hang out and do a photo set... but if yuou read this entry you might see a little bit of why i havent really been in tough.
oh shit i know im lazy when i talk to everyone through my LJ posts
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ripoutmyheart's journal
